When I was younger, and I had the rare chance of being allowed to have a can of soda, I always made sure that it counted. That’s why I always chose Welch’s Grape soda. No Coke, no Pepsi. Just the sweet taste of crisp Concord grape corn syrup with that tart fizzy finish. I loved it so much that I would get into the habit of burping up whatever I just gulped down to get one last taste and make sure I didn’t miss anything. That’s what Paul Nicholas’ Heaven On The 7th Floor reminds of, those few unpopped bubbles of sugary carbon dioxide rather than that first blast of goodness. Or to use another food analogy, this song is like a Rice Krispie – a quick pop, then it turns to mush, and disappears.
This song should have been sold on the back of a cereal box. But even that would be a slight to those late 60s/early 70s Archies sound-a-like thin 7 inchers, which had more teeth than this. [of course, after 3 mixing bowls full of Trix, what kid had any teeth left anyway.] It was also perfect for AM radio, because there was hardly any bottom end to it to begin with, like Tinkerbell singing lead on Brick House. This should have used in White Cloud toilet paper ads, but it was probably forgotten about within 10 seconds after it was played. I can imagine this being played as the Muzak as you enter the pearly gates, only to realize that it’s on repeat and you’re actually in hell.
Paul Nicholas was and probably is more well-known as an actor, mostly in UK. He looked so much like a baby Peter Frampton, he was cast as his younger brother in the film, Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band . [which killed everyone’s career associated with it] From its opening sprightly lil harp brrrrring, you feel like you entered a Dentyne commercial. And the lyrics don’t help or make any sense:
Going up, she said, uh, huh
Just as we had started to climb together
Looking up, I said, ‘Hey, look, umm
Maybe I could see you tonight and she said, never.
OK so we have a song wherein a helpful young woman gets hit on by some nervous dorky loser and immediately shoots him down. Bet he wishes he had some Dentyne.
Thought I was out of luck but ten seconds later
Somehow we got stuck in that elevator, woo
Whereas most people might panic, feel claustrophobic or wonder how they would get out of there, our singer takes this as a stroke of luck to get his bone smooched. Or at least he figures he can’t what we wants with this girl and no one can stop him. Guess they don’t have security cameras in that building yet.
Heaven on the 7th floor
Heaven on the 7th floor
I’ve never been so high before
So don’t you rescue me
Never set me free
Ok, first – this guy is breaking his elevator cherry by hitting 7 floors in a building for the first time and he thinks that qualifies him as a stud? Secondly how exactly is she supposed to not rescue him AND not set him free? Which one, dude? Gotta pick one. It really makes you think this guy is maybe only 12 and it’s the first time he has felt those funny feeling down yonder.
We’re alone, I said, oh yeah
Looks like we could be here all night together
There’s a phone, she said, uh huh
You’d better have us out in five minutes time, whatever
A couple of thoughts here – this woman can’t feel that threatened by this guy otherwise she’d pick up the phone and call the operator, cops, the nearest mental facility…Also how is this guy happy to be stuck in an elevator all night? I’m thinking he’s in his early 20’s and emotionally 12, but might have escaped from a recently abandoned ‘special’ hospital where he asks George to tell him about the rabbits.
Please could you make it ten, I told the operator
I’m having so much fun in this elevator
Yes Lenny, we’re gonna have a house someday.
And as the Muzak played, sooner or later
I knew we’d fall in love in the elevator.
If I was her I’d pick up the phone pronto, before he starts wearing your skin and singing this song.