Chevy Van by Sammy Johns (GRC, 1975)

Not sure if Sammy was going for some product endorsement money with this song, but I’m sure the good folks at Chevrolet weren’t too happy about referring to one of their vehicles as a rape den on wheels. Nevertheless this song hit #5 in the Spring of 1975.

Times were different back then. Hitchhiking was still a very common way to get a ride somewhere, until serial killing dealt a carpool kibosh.

Sammy’s just a guy who gives “a girl a ride in his wagon“. We’ll assume its literal and not metaphorical. And Sammy, why did you say girl rather than lady? How old was she or did you care? So she gets in and took control…of what, steering. Was she on his lap? Well Sammy puts an end to that and slips her something, because then her “mind started draggin”. So Sammy said, get some sleep. When she woke up she’s in the back of the Chevy van getting ready to be pounced on by Sammy, adding to the creep factor, by saying “like a princess she was laying there.” Now I don’t know what time she was picked up, but by the time she woke up, moonlight was dancing on her hair. I’m sure she was like What the hell and started punching him, which he interpreted as “took me by the hand”. Then he has sex with her, but still he’s not that happy, it’s just “alright” with him. Why’s that Sammy? Because she was screaming, “Get off me!” the whole time?

Then he “puts her out” in a tiny nowhere town. Or he slowed at a red light, she jumped out his van. But knowing Sammy and how he smugly sings this story, he was done with her and kicked her out into a “Town so small, you could throw a rock from end-to-end”, meaning they probably didn’t have a police department.

So to recap, do not hitchhike! And do not accept rides from anyone in a van. Unless it’s a mini-van with screaming kids. Actually don’t get in that on either.