On July 4th, 1976, we celebrated our Bicentennial as a nation – 200 years of independence. We were country full of pride and we showed the world by letting them know that the song that was on our minds as the rockets red glare was a this country pop song about gettin some in the middle of the day.

What is it about this song that causes so much derision and snickering as well as worst-song-ever lists? Is it the fact that this band ended up winning the Best New Artist Grammy that year? Is it the fact that TV overreacted and thought we needed to see this band in a variety show that Summer? Is it because the song has been used for laughs in movies like Anchorman & PCU and shows like Arrested Development? Is it the fact that they took sex and made it as wholesome as drinking a glass of milk? Whatever it is, the fact that this song can still provoke so much emotion whether it’s happiness or violence, has been the reason why it’s engrained in our pop culture.

I actually feel sorry for Bill Danoff, the guy who wrote this. Especially with the fact that so many people have fun of him, the band and the song. I know he’s made lots of money and a career out of it. He even opened his own restaurant named Afternoon Delight. Wait a minute, why do I feel bad? I’ve actually looked at the lyrics and they’re awful. They don’t make any sense. This guy had incredible luck and is still riding it 35 years later. Maybe it’s because I liked the song when it came out. But I was only 5. What taste did I actually have? I was only hooked on the pedal steel “skyrocket’ lick.

Bill said that this song was inspired/stolen from a menu at Clyde’s restaurant in Georgetown which had a section called Afternoon Delights. He went home and decided to write about what Afternoon Delights should really mean. Let’s take a look at the lyrics, shall we?

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.

That almost sounds like rape to me. Instead of grabbing how about share or even give. Choose your words carefully, Bill.

My motto’s always been; when it’s right, it’s right.

I believe that’s Fox News Channel’s motto as well.

Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.

So it’s either noon or 2 am to do this? Nothing in between? And unless you live at the North Pole, there’s plenty of warm nights to be had. Just ask anyone in Miami. Or Panama.

When everything’s a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.

Do you really need things to be clear or clearer to get it on? Wouldn’t you rather have the blood flowing to other places rather than your brain?

Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite
looking forward to a little afternoon delight.

This reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George is eating a pastrami on rye during sex with this girlfriend. When Jerry hears about this, he says, “Who are you? Caligula?”

Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite.

Sounds like Bill is working on a Boy Scout patch..for best creepy

and the thought of rubbin’ you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight.

Subtle.

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always thought a fish could not be caught who wouldn’t bite

This guy doesn’t deserve to get laid when he says dumb shit like this.

But you’ve got some bait a waitin’ and I think I might
try nibbling a little afternoon delight.

Is this guy walking around with his worm hanging out?

Please be waiting for me
baby when I come around.
We could make a lot of lovin’
‘for the sun goes down.

OK, now I get it. He’s a Wolfman.

Anyway the band split up after 3 (?) more albums and both couples split up as well. Note to self: if a couple asks my wife & I form a band with them, run.

Side note: Bill Danoff went to Georgetown University in the late 60s and was a classmate of Bill Clinton. *Add the obvious joke here*